I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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