guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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