She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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