True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
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Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize