saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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