I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
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you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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