I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize