Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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