its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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