my mouth tastes like poor choices
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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