She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
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They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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