i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize