Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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