The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize