did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize