You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm always down for nudity.
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