thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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