it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
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If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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