if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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