What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
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He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
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This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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