Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I didn't notice because vodka
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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