these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
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I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
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Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Damn victory sex feels great
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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