found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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