Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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