You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize