dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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