So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
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How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Mom said you looked used
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
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pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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