I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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