he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
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i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
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After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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