Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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