i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
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He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
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Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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