I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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