Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize