so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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