I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
A bitchslap is in order.
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