you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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