I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
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If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
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I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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