is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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