I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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