im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm sobbing to NWA
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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