I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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