I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize