I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
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My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
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The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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