I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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