My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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