My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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