I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize