if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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