People in love make me want to vomit
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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