It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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