You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize